Yes, I have been sick. It's OK, because I recovered mostly. Yes, I have had dark thoughts at times. Mostly, I'm good there too. I sought help because I needed that to find a way through.
So "No Tomorrow" doesn't mean anything nihilistic in my thinking, but I am looking for a sense of urgency in what I'm doing.
I'm angry with myself for spending so much time fearing what would happen if I wrote. And I'm angry enough at past-me that I want revenge. And as they say "living well is the best revenge" (do they say that?) or for me "writing well is the best revenge", and that will be my recasting of it. Turning my anger into something positive.
Concrete steps toward that are in train, take my word for it. I promise to write more about that once I know more about that.
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In 2018 around the time of my birthday I went to Japan. I was single. Here's a picture of the National Gallery in Tokyo that I took while there. I did some drawings as well.
But something else happened that I wasn't prepared for.
I met the most amazing woman I have ever met, and a year later we married. I've been feeling a lot better about being alive ever since.
And very determined to make haste to stop being angry, count my privileges, and do what I'm here for.
Like the trip to Japan, I can't forecast what will happen with this new journey I'm on. But I am very hopeful it will be something amazing.